It happened again

It is weird to write this here.  Because it is about this blog.  Probably some of you who read this have already experienced this reaction from me if you know me "in real life".

I am going about my life just talking with a random friend, my mom's friend or just an acquaintance and then IT happens.

They say to me: "I read your blog".

What immediately runs through my head is about a million thoughts.


What was my last post about? Owen's poop?  Do people really care about that?


Oh my gosh.......WHAT!!  


How in the world did they find my blog?  


I am SO SORRY you had to listen to my boring life...my whining...my randomness!


Then they say:  "I cried/bawled while reading it"


OMG!
WHAT!
I AM SO SORRY!!!!
Awe....the know....they remember my babies.  My little babies....how I miss them.


I feel bad when people say they read my blog and cried.  I don't write to please anyone. I don't write to evoke sympathy or pity or whatever....but THEN on the other hand....it is nice to know people care.  That they care so much about us that they took time out of their busy days to read my words, look at my pictures, that they cry for us, for the twins we lost and for the pain we went through.  That for that moment my babies were remembered, that they touched someone else's life.  Because they have changed my life forever.

My life is not so special....there are plenty of other women who have gone through far worse than I.  But to get back to my main thought tonight.  I wish I could just have a list of everyone that really does read this blog, that way when I see these people out and about I can know that they know all my thoughts and feelings that I put on here.

So, if you do see me don't feel like you can't tell me you read this blog. I do still want to know, but don't be surprised when I say "I'm sorry".  Why women feel like they need to apologize for things that don't need an apology is beyond me and could be a another whole post.

What to do when girlfriends break up?

Am I the only one that when a friendship with a girlfriend really comes to an end that it is SUPER awkward and weird?  Its like when it is a guy and then you no longer have contact no one wonders what happened....they broke up PERIOD.  But if it is a girl there is all this "other" stuff.  Do you take down all the pictures of the 2 of you (and kids) on face.book what about when you see those photos in you computer when you are looking for something else, do you delete them?  The last thing I need it to be reminded of this person who was mean, rude and downright hateful to me and my family (that is a WHOLE different story, that isn't really mine to tell) .

What about the stuff that she still has of mine?  I got most of it back, but there are a few items that I would to have back....am I justified to ask for these items back or just let it go?  Is the drama worth those items....

What is the etiquette for when a friend who happens to be female says "I don't want to be your friend anymore"  are we in grade school again?  Here is my half of the heart necklace, you can have it back.  In this new digital age I found out this "friend" defriended me on face.book with no explanation.     We had 3 minute conversation when this said "friend" basically told me I was a negative person.....funny how my husband had to pick up so much stuff that the back of the minivan was full, he said to me "Ignore her, obviously you are a giving person."


I don't know why I care so much, I guess that is just me.  They (her and her husband) were not that great of friends anymore.  They were probably the worst of our friends to support us after loosing the twins and they should have been the best as we were supposed to be "best" friends.  There was only ONCE that she came over without her newborn.  Every other time we said please bring the baby..no matter how hard it was for us.  I wish I had let them go then...would have been such a better reason than this one.

I am sorry if you know me in real life and you know these people.  We have so many mutual friends and I hope this doesn't make anyone mad, but this is my space to write what I want and feel.  When I put these words on this blog I then let it go.   I am not trying to talk badly about these people. Actually, everything I have written is facts or my feelings.  I am probably down playing the whole thing more than building it up.  I hate that I wasted so many years on this friendship that apparently didn't mean much to them.  I wish they had just let the friendship fade into the background as it was headed there anyway.  Then when we see them around town or at parties it wouldn't have to be awkward, but then that's how I would have handled it. Now, when I see this chick....oh no I am not going to tell you how I will act, but you can bet it won't be friendly.... remember she is the one that didn't want to be friends.   But apparently one week before I was defriended she texted me saying her kid needed some Owen time and "we should get together".....must be nice to have a light switch on your emotions.  I can't just turn mine off like that.

Isn't it interesting how the true spirit of people comes out at the holidays.  The nasty ugliness just spills out of family and friends around this time of year.  I think it is because Satan is working overtime in our lives.  Well, guess what not in my house, not this year!

Labor Day: truely a laborus day

Is it being a new mom?  Is it because I am home most of my day?  But I feel like I can't get everything done.  I feel like there is always more I could be doing.  I could list out about 10-15 responsibilities that I have very quickly, then I could list just as many items that need doing, projects for Owen, projects for the house, cleaning and organizing.  Seriously, the list is endless.  Sometimes, I start one thing and then it leads to 5 other things.

For example:, today I wanted to put away the pj's my mom got Owen, sounds simple right....get the carters bag out of the living room!

• I go to hang his clothes up in his closet, but find that it is overflowing with clothes that are too small or out of season
• so I needed a box to save his clothes in 
• so I had to go into the basement (here is where I see all the other projects that are haunting me)
• I wanted a large plastic container like I have put his other clothes in, but didn't have an empty one, but there was a "Jeanna: winter scarves & purses" bin that has been in the way.
• So up to the living room where I sorted thru that container that hasn't been opened in 2 years.
• Then I had to get a bag for the items to donate
• Then I had to put the items I wanted to keep in my bedroom (they still need to be put away...)
• Finally I have an empty container, so back to Owen's room I go!
• The container is full before I can blink, but I decide that is enough for one day.
• But while I am at it I went ahead and did some other organizing in his closet.
• Now there is a few random things on the floor, but for the most part it is cleared out.
• I still need to label the rubber bin and take down to the basement.

 Are you bored yet reading all that?  Seriously, I feel like everyday is a little like this.  I have been trying to keep on task, but it is hard too. I guess it goes back to my ADD that they said I had when I was young.

BUT to make myself feel better I should say the other things I tackled today:

• Organizing Owen's closet 
• Cleaning out 1 rubber bin from basement that hadn't been opened in years
• de-junked the drawer in the hall bath that wouldn't open that was driving me NUTS!
• did 2 loads of laundry and all of Owen's is put away, just a little of ours is on the bed folded ready to be put away
• Put dinner into the crockpot and stirred occasionally throughout the day
• did about 2 hours of items for HES/family business
• cleaned out email inbox
• read a little from my book (got to have some reward time in my day!)
• blogged 2 entrys about Owen!!!
• boxed up pictures that are going to be mailed off to be scanned! (major on going project and I am sick of seeing the boxes sitting around my sunroom!)