dream last night

I dreamed that Owen wasn't mine, that we were adopting him and the birth mother was pregnant again and wanted Owen back.  She was going to rename him Greg or Sandy, they hadn't decided.  I was writing down his schedule for her and a letter for her to give to him later in life.  I knew as I was writing the letter that he would never read it.  We tried to convince her to let him keep his name as he already responds to it.  I tried to explain I wanted him to have one thing from us....they wouldn't even take a blanket and changed his clothes before they left.  They were thrilled that we had only breastfeed him and didn't seem worried about his transition to the bottle and formula;  haha I dreamed thought they don't know him like I do.  So, I was praying that they would be back in 3 hours begging me to feed him and would see how I was HIS wonderful mommy and let me keep him.  Chris was holding him and then handed him to the "father" I was handing the "mother" the letter I wrote and watched her fold it into a tiny square and stuff it into her pocket.  Thankfully, I woke up.

Chris' alarm was going off, but that didn't stop the tears from flowing down my face.  I can NOT imagine the heartache that some mother's go through.  This dream really could happen to some women.  I knew it wasn't time for Owen to get up even though he was awake, but I had to hold him. 
To smell him.

To touch him and know he was really mine.

 To hug him.

To send thanks to God because I don't have to worry about another woman trying to take him (unless I end up on some Lifetime movie).  

To nurse him.

To snuggle with this little boy that has changed my life for the better.

Then I put him back in bed where he is grunting, sighing and falling back asleep.  All is well in his little world, clean diaper, full belly, warm bed, snuggled in his woombie.

Thank you Lord for this son you have given me.  I pray that you are with the women still waiting for their children.   You know I will never forget these women and I will always pray for them.  Thank you Lord for Owen, he is more perfect that I could have ever imagined, you truly outdid yourself this time!