Tuesday, August 11, 2009

a little better day



I know there are several out there who are worried about me. It is always easier to wake up and not see a BFN in the morning.

Aunt Flow has still not arrived even though I posted a welcome sign on my front door to let her know she is allowed to arrive. Will keep everyone posted upon her arrival, at that point she will shove my good friend Hope out of the guest room and take over the house. I did call AF earlier this week and requested if she did visit this month that it would be a short visit from her. I thougtht 4 days would be long enough of a visit, if possible. Recently, she has been over staying her welcome by acting like leaving and then lingering for a few more days. I am ready for my other friend Optimism to return.

Monday, August 10, 2009

wishing well

Today, I tested again even though I knew it would be negative. There is still this little piece of hope until AF arrives. I had a good heart to heart with Christie today. I feel so guilty laying out all my grief on my friends and family.



Here are my wishes for my wishing well:


Why is this so hard? Why is there not a test that says "you will be PG in 122 days" I could handle waiting if I KNEW it was going to happen..I wish it was as easy for us as it is for others, I wish no one had to go through this. I wish the women that went through this had easy pregnancy's, I wish I wasn't depressed, I wish my eyes would stop feeling like there are tears waiting to be shed, I wish after shedding the tears that I would feel better. I wish that sex with my husband wouldn't be a chore, and I wish that we didn't have to do it all the time "just in case", I wish that it was only making love again. I wish the tupperware in my basement that is filled with baby items could be displayed proudly instead of causing more grief, I wish there were words that would make it all better. I wish that my body wouldn't betray me, I wish every pregnant woman didn't make me jealous, I wish I was my old self again, I wish I could be giddy about my friends pregnancys, I wish I was not wishing the time away and could enjoy this time with my husband,I wish I was in control, or I wish I understood why God is having us wait.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Not Pregnant

So my first digital test gave me the dreaded words this morning. I know it is really too early to take a test, but my temps dropped again and so really I know I am not pregnant. I began to have a few AF cramps last night, but she has still not reared her ugly head. At this point it is time to keep moving forward and stop looking back. We did all we could in our power to conceive a child, it must not be God's time for us. I am just having a hard time understanding this.

Friday, August 7, 2009

God's Pharmacy

My aunt sent me this in an email today, just some food for thought! LOL

It's been said that God first separated the salt water from the fresh, made dry land, planted a garden, made animals and fish.... All before making a human. He made and provided what we'd need before we were born. These are best & more powerful when eaten raw. We're such slow learners...


God left us a great clue as to what foods help different parts of our body!
God's Pharmacy is amazing!

A sliced Carrot looks like the human eye. The pupil, iris and radiating lines look just like the human eye... And YES, science now shows carrots greatly enhance blood flow to and function of the eyes.

A Tomato has four chambers and is red. The heart has four chambers and is red. All of the research shows
tomatoes are loaded with lycopine and are indeed pure heart and blood food.

Grapes
hang in a cluster that has the shape of the heart. Each grape looks like a blood cell and all of the research today shows grapes are also profound heart and blood vitalizing food.

A Walnut looks like a little brain, a left and right hemisphere, upper cerebrums and lower cerebellums. Even the wrinkles or folds on the nut are just like the neo-cortex. We now know walnuts help develop more than three (3) dozen neuron-transmitters for brain function.

Kidney Beans actually heal and help maintain kidney function and yes, they look exactly like the human kidneys.

Celery, Bok Choy, Rhubarb and many more look just like bones. These foods specifically target bone strength. Bones are 23% sodium and these foods are 23% sodium. If you don't have enough sodium in your diet, the body pulls it from the bones, thus making them weak. These foods replenish the skeletal needs of the body.

Avocadoes, Eggplant and Pears target the health and function of the womb and cervix of the female - they look just like these organs. Today's research shows that when a woman eats one avocado a week, it balances hormones, sheds unwanted birth weight, and prevents cervical cancers. And how profound is this? It takes exactly nine (9) months to grow an avocado from blossom to ripened fruit. There are over 14,000 photolytic chemical constituents of nutrition in each one of these foods (modern science has only studied and named about 141 of them).

Figs are full of seeds and hang in twos when they grow. Figs increase the mobility of male sperm and increase the numbers of Sperm as well to overcome male sterility.

Sweet Potatoes
look like the pancreas and actually balance the glycemic index of diabetics.

Olives assist the health and function of the ovaries

Oranges
, grapefruits, and other Citrus fruits look just like the mammary glands of the female and actually assist the health of the breasts and the movement of lymph in and out of the breasts.

Onions look like the body's cells. Today's research shows onions help clear waste materials from all of the body cells. They even produce tears which wash the epithelial layers of the eyes. A working companion, Garlic, also helps eliminate waste materials and dangerous free radicals from the body.

up/down & :) and :(

lets end this blog on a positive note and do the dirty depressing down first: My temp dropped, I didn't realize how much until I plugged it into my chart and saw that this drop looks just like the past 2 months. Days 6-8, I reach the nice high temps that can predict a positive PG test and then plummet downward on day 8/9. UGHHH the hope in my heart is slowing leaking out making me depressed, but then enough hope stays to make sure each BFN is painfull.

Here is my ugly chart....
So moving onto the happy more positive thoughts...

Anna gave me a baby bassinet!! It is ivory and green perfect for a little price or princess. I don't think babies come another way, but then I wouldn't know since my body is not cooperating. Thank you again! Here is a picture of it, it is so cute...it is just waiting for a little baby to come sleep in it. The bassinet wants to come live in our room, but has been bannished to the basement till further notice (of course it is wrapped up so it doesn't get dirty!).

Thursday, August 6, 2009

CD30, 8dpo


Saturday will be 10dpo and I will POAS with FMU before a wedding we are attending that evening. If its positive it will be AMAZING and I will be part of the statistic that gets PG after an HSG.....PLEASE let me be a statistic! (I really never thought I would say that!) If it is a BFN..it could be a little early for testing and I will not let it ruin the wedding and I will be having at least a glass of wine probably 2!

So my temps on my chart have jumped to the 3rd level, which is a good thing, but still is typical for me about now is when I get my hopes up and then my temp will drop and I will get a BFN! I will say one thing, I am having a lack of symptoms of AF! I think this is a great sign. My body is doing something different than usual. I know a lot of women have AF symptoms and end up PG including cramps. But so far no cramps and only one day of tender boobs. Just think this time last month AF had already started, but I o'ed earlier. If I hadn't be taking my temps I would be stressed about negative tests already.

So, you know how we all talk about evaporation lines...you POAS and its BFN but then later you look at it and it is POSITIVE. Well, I had the opposite in a dream last night. I dreamed of a positive PG test and then as I was looking at it the line began to disappear and I started screaming at it to stay where it was....it didn't work...so then I had to swim back through the swamp and snakes were chasing me...i know weird right? At one moment I was in my bedroom and the next was in a jungle. RANDOM!

Ok time to get back to work and stop thinking about these things....praying for a BFP on Saturday!

Monday, August 3, 2009

i won a blog award!

Thanks to J and JackieMac for nominating my blog for the "One Lovely Blog Award"
I got the "best sense of humor" from J!! Thanks ladies for reading!

The rules of the "One Lovely Blog Award" are: Accept the award, post it on your blog together with the name of the person who has granted the award.

Pass the award to 15 other blogs that you've newly discovered. Here are my nominees in no specific order:


  1. kendra (my first TTTC buddy, she has graduated, congrats!)
  2. Megan Grace (she was only on earth a short time but will always be remembered)
  3. Sara "just because" (my sister, she is crazy random just like me!)
  4. Don't Stop Believing (twins and no PG symptoms yet and she wants m/s LOL she is a nut, but got to love her!)
  5. Little Blue Birds (i am amazed at by her strength through the loss of her twins)
  6. Misc.alain.eous (a college friend who takes amazing pictures)