Today, I tested again even though I knew it would be negative. There is still this little piece of hope until AF arrives. I had a good heart to heart with Christie today. I feel so guilty laying out all my grief on my friends and family.Here are my wishes for my wishing well:
Why is this so hard? Why is there not a test that says "you will be PG in 122 days" I could handle waiting if I KNEW it was going to happen..I wish it was as easy for us as it is for others, I wish no one had to go through this. I wish the women that went through this had easy pregnancy's, I wish I wasn't depressed, I wish my eyes would stop feeling like there are tears waiting to be shed, I wish after shedding the tears that I would feel better. I wish that sex with my husband wouldn't be a chore, and I wish that we didn't have to do it all the time "just in case", I wish that it was only making love again. I wish the tupperware in my basement that is filled with baby items could be displayed proudly instead of causing more grief, I wish there were words that would make it all better. I wish that my body wouldn't betray me, I wish every pregnant woman didn't make me jealous, I wish I was my old self again, I wish I could be giddy about my friends pregnancys, I wish I was not wishing the time away and could enjoy this time with my husband,I wish I was in control, or I wish I understood why God is having us wait. 
Jeanna I'm so sorry you are having a down day. It happens to the best of us. The only difference with us dealing with infertility is that we pick up and keep moving forward knowing & seeing our goal. We will appreciate our babies when we get them unlike alot of the people that get pregnant so easily. It will happen for you...just know that.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry this month is not turning out the way you'd hoped and planned. It really does make you wonder why and long to move past this painful period in life. Hang in there ((hugs))
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