Birthday Party

Well, the invites are ready and going out tomorrow!  Mostly it will be family in attendance, but we did invite several close friends and some of Owen's new play friends!  I would love to invite everyone, but our immediate family is so huge!

Birthday party planning mode is ON!!  I have already started purchasing decorations and cake mixes!

Here is a little sneak peak at part of the invite and a hint at our theme!

Owen: 11 months

I feel like I can't remember this past month, it flew by so fast.  I don't think my brain can even form sentences yet!

• Your first Christmas and New Years!
• You started to throw food on the floor from the high chair on purpose and find it amusing
• You are enjoying sharing your food by feeding us
• You are rolling your tongue to make the brrrrr sound in the back of your throat
• pulling up on lots of stuff
• still crawling on your tummy and you are so fast!
• You know what we are saying, I can say don't drop that on the floor and you will move your arm back onto your tray, then I can say eat it and about half the time you will!!
• dropping stuff down the stairwell and watching it
• we can call your name and you will come looking for us, the first time you crawled all the way down to hall to both of us melted our hearts (we did have to compete with the outlet and doorways for your attention)
• you sing with us when we are listening to music or singing to you
• you love to be held and dance
• you seem to be doing better during car rides over the holidays (this is a MAJOR answer to our prayers!); you even took an 1 1/2 hour nap one of the drives!
• you have started waving and saying bye bye
• you still kick your feet when super excited and twirl your feet!  
• you can do peek a boo and wheres Owen all by yourself with a small blanket on the changing table
• you were so cute saying Ho Ho Ho in your Christmas pj's.
• you love to throw your little colored balls around and chase them
• your favorite toys are: Paul-monkey rattle, most anything Orange, orange ball, orange piece of mail (why you carry it all over the house I will never understand the fascination there!), stuffed animals that move and sing, little red elmo cup (from your stacking set), going in and out of the Laugh and Learn Home especially getting the orange mail from the mail box.  The ball popper is a hit when mommy does it with you.  

All our christmas pictures are on daddy's phone and I need to get them onto my computer.  We were bad about pictures this month except our good friend took some outside for us!  Here is our little baby Owen:

THIS FACE MELTS MY HEART!

In honor of their births

My friend Caroline made these cupcakes in honor of Abe and Benny today. She also told her 3 year old about them.

My friend Katie met me at the Y this morning to exercise and chit chat because she was worried about me being alone today!!

My friend Ashley told me she loves their names from the first time I met her and she uses their names when she talks with me.

My family all checked in on me today

I feel blessed that they are remembered. Two years ago I came home from the hospital empty, I am healed now, but i will never forget.

Happy Birthday my sweet boys

Abe and Benny,
Hi babies, its Mommy.  Did you know I love you so much?  Today is your 2nd birthday and the day we said good bye.  It wasn't fair that we didn't get much time with you.  20 weeks with you inside my belly wasn't near long enough.  I want you to know that Mommy and Daddy love you so much, we think about you all the time and our lives were touched so much by your short ones. We miss you more than we can even admit, because if we think about it too long we might break in half.

Today I am going to kiss and hug your brother extra times and I hope you know some of those are for you both.  Tell Jesus that he needs to give yall an extra special hug from Mommy this year.   I have to take care of your brother right now and I know you are in the best of hands other than mine and Daddy's.

Night Night sweet boys, Mommy loves you.  Mommy loves you soo much.  Night night.

We love you babies,
Mommy & Daddy

did you feel the love come in?

2 years ago....

I wish I could have talked to myself 2 years ago.  I would have told myself that you don't need that Mellow Yellow and all that caffeine for the ultrasound I was headed to that morning. Actually, I would have told myself to head to the doctor the moment my heart knew something was wrong.  Not that I actually think they could have done anything, but maybe they could have....I don't let myself go there.

I would have told myself that in 2 years from now you will be staring at the most beautiful face you have ever seen and that he is the greatest kid on earth!  That even though those 2 little baby boys wouldn't be yours to hold on this earth that this part of your life's journey is going to make you stronger than you would ever imagine.  That it would bring you closer to other women who you would never have had the chance to meet.  That losing those little boys would create a wound that you soothed with words and in turn those words helped others in similar situations.  That losing them would make you realize how lucky each day is with Owen.  That losing them would bring you more closer to your husband and God that you would have thought possible.

Two days from now will be two years since I gave birth to my first sons, January 9th.  Abe and Benny the nicknames that stuck.  Abe was the bigger of the two, baby A as sometimes we call him.  Abe was so perfect, his eyes were closed and his arms were crossed on his chest.  His ten fingers were perfect and peaceful. When Owen was born I saw some of Abe in Owen's face.  Abe's skins was cool to touch, but soft and so real.  I pressed a kiss on his forehead with my fingertip.

Little Benny.  Our sweet tiny little boy.  He fought some high odds and didn't win.  But he is our sweet tiny baby.  He was wrapped up so tight that all I could see of him was his little face.  His face was smaller than Abe's, but so identical.  I remember looking at his lips and thinking those were Chris' lips and that I wouldn't get the chance in this lifetime to kiss them as much as I wanted.

Today, two years later I am comforted by the sounds of my son and his daddy rolling a ball on the floor.  Chris is excitedly dictating each thing Owen is doing and saying to me even though I am only four feet away.  My son Owen is so alive and full of life.  Giggles, squeals, baby talk are filling our living room as I type this.

My heart is on the verge of tears as I remember them, but my mind keeps reminding me that Owen is here.  That I need to look forward not backward to realize how far we have come.  That while it is ok to remember them today with sadness I need to look forward and remember how full my heart is.

But, ladies I do think of you.  My fellow warriors that have lost babies.  The mother's who's arms are still empty and I can't imagine how yall do it.  And especially the women whose arms have never been full who are still waiting for that wonderful day for their baby.

I thank the Lord for this morning two years later and I wish I could have told that girl on the way to the ultrasound that the next few years would be tough, but it would be worth it.

this morning my heart is full

last night my happy boy

last night matching daddy

What to do when girlfriends break up?

Am I the only one that when a friendship with a girlfriend really comes to an end that it is SUPER awkward and weird?  Its like when it is a guy and then you no longer have contact no one wonders what happened....they broke up PERIOD.  But if it is a girl there is all this "other" stuff.  Do you take down all the pictures of the 2 of you (and kids) on face.book what about when you see those photos in you computer when you are looking for something else, do you delete them?  The last thing I need it to be reminded of this person who was mean, rude and downright hateful to me and my family (that is a WHOLE different story, that isn't really mine to tell) .

What about the stuff that she still has of mine?  I got most of it back, but there are a few items that I would to have back....am I justified to ask for these items back or just let it go?  Is the drama worth those items....

What is the etiquette for when a friend who happens to be female says "I don't want to be your friend anymore"  are we in grade school again?  Here is my half of the heart necklace, you can have it back.  In this new digital age I found out this "friend" defriended me on face.book with no explanation.     We had 3 minute conversation when this said "friend" basically told me I was a negative person.....funny how my husband had to pick up so much stuff that the back of the minivan was full, he said to me "Ignore her, obviously you are a giving person."


I don't know why I care so much, I guess that is just me.  They (her and her husband) were not that great of friends anymore.  They were probably the worst of our friends to support us after loosing the twins and they should have been the best as we were supposed to be "best" friends.  There was only ONCE that she came over without her newborn.  Every other time we said please bring the baby..no matter how hard it was for us.  I wish I had let them go then...would have been such a better reason than this one.

I am sorry if you know me in real life and you know these people.  We have so many mutual friends and I hope this doesn't make anyone mad, but this is my space to write what I want and feel.  When I put these words on this blog I then let it go.   I am not trying to talk badly about these people. Actually, everything I have written is facts or my feelings.  I am probably down playing the whole thing more than building it up.  I hate that I wasted so many years on this friendship that apparently didn't mean much to them.  I wish they had just let the friendship fade into the background as it was headed there anyway.  Then when we see them around town or at parties it wouldn't have to be awkward, but then that's how I would have handled it. Now, when I see this chick....oh no I am not going to tell you how I will act, but you can bet it won't be friendly.... remember she is the one that didn't want to be friends.   But apparently one week before I was defriended she texted me saying her kid needed some Owen time and "we should get together".....must be nice to have a light switch on your emotions.  I can't just turn mine off like that.

Isn't it interesting how the true spirit of people comes out at the holidays.  The nasty ugliness just spills out of family and friends around this time of year.  I think it is because Satan is working overtime in our lives.  Well, guess what not in my house, not this year!

Owen and bath time

Owen L O V E S a bath!!! He cries when we take him out of the water, I have to share what happened just now!!

So, I started running the water and I have started standing him at the tub to watch the water fill the tub. Well then I had to get him undressed and it never fails that when he wears a disposable diaper and poops that it is an explosive poop!!! I thought I was going to strip him down right by the tub but when I got his pants off I smelled it and knew.

Sure enough it was down his leg.

Off to the changing table and wet wipes we headed and that is when Owen acted like I broke his heart! I changed him as fast as I could, but within 10 seconds real fat tears were streaming down his cheeks. The part that cracks me up is that as soon as he saw the tub full of water he stopped mid cry started smiling and kicking with excitement!!!

Here he is chilling on his belly you would never guess that he had just had a melt down!!!