nervous and excited

I have been SWAMPED with work and volunteer things, but we are headed to bed in just a few minutes, then getting up at 6am to make it to our u/s appointment by 8am.  Say lots of prayers for us, for a healthy baby and then that we are able to find out the gender! 

As of right now the poll says 72% for lil sparkle (girl).  Time will tell.....less than 10 hours to go and most of those I will hopefully be sleeping.

Night yall.

PS: I will update tomorrow afternoon as soon as I can. Got to tell the family the news first.

lil spark: 18 weeks

How far along: 18 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: ??
Maternity clothes: yup-i am already too big for some pants I was wearing early on in the 1st trimester!
Stretch marks: nope  
Sleep:  still snuggling with an extra blanket, last night I had to get up and do some stretches to get the kinks out of my muscles in the middle of the night
Best moment this week:  feeling my first real (semi faint) kick; maybe it was because Aunt Sara was nearby!
Gender: finding out in 5 days!  Woot Woot!!
Belly button in or out?: deep and wide, wide and wide my belly button is getting wide
Craving: had to make a run to the store for eggs last night so I could back some cookies! YUM! Drank 3 glasses of milk with them! 
What I miss: my energy, where is that 2nd tri boast people speak of?
What I am looking forward to:  ultrasound in 5 LONG days! 

Baby Center:  "Head to rump, your baby is about 5 1/2 inches long (about the length of a bell pepper) and he weighs almost 7 ounces. He's busy flexing his arms and legs — movements that you'll start noticing more and more in the weeks ahead. His blood vessels are visible through his thin skin, and his ears are now in their final position, although they're still standing out from his head a bit. A protective covering of myelin is beginning to form around his nerves, a process that will continue for a year after he's born. If you're having a girl, her uterus and fallopian tubes are formed and in place. If you're having a boy, his genitals are noticeable now, but he may hide them from you during an ultrasound."

This will be the last comparison photo, as Abe (the bigger twin) only grew to 18 weeks; look how happy I was to be carrying those boys in my belly.  Lil spark we are just as excited for you, grow strong and big for your older brothers and make them proud.

lil spark: 17 weeks

How far along: 17 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: not sure, letting the dr office deal with that!
Maternity clothes: yup; thanks Sara for scoring me 3 cute dresses on SALE!!!
Stretch marks: nope  
Sleep:  slept amazing last night!
Best moment this week:  people noticing that I am pregnant and talking about it
Gender: finding out in 12 days! BRING IT ON!
Belly button in or out?: about the same, just getting slowly stretched
Craving: Cold Milk and tomatoes (not necessarily together)
What I miss: really I am just going to remove this line!
What I am looking forward to: duh, the u/s

Your Baby: Week 17 (from the bump dot com, thank you!)

Baby's skeleton is hardening, changing from rubbery cartilage to bone, and fat is finally accumulating around it. The umbilical cord is getting thicker and stronger, and those little fingers and toes are now topped by one-of-a-kind prints.

unexpected tears

This morning has been rough.  Chris and I laid in bed last night and were talking about the size of lil spark.  S/he is almost or is the size of our little Benny.  It is so amazing to "know" what lil spark looks like, but at the same time it makes me remember my babies and their faces.  I can't say enough how much I love those faces.  It hurts sometimes when family and friends say that lil spark will be our first born.  Yes in many ways that is true, but in my heart, deep inside I will never be able to forget those two faces that changed my life forever.  It doesn't bother me when people bring up my babies, in fact it makes me feel good.  Doesn't ever mother want to talk about her children.  Just because I have nothing new to report doesn't mean I think about them any less.  They became my joy after 14 months of sadness.  They gave me peace that forever I was a mother.  They showed me how special and amazing life is.  Not the life that we live, but the life that has been given to us.  The life that God breathed into us.  How can you not believe there is a God when you look at how remarkable it is that we are all standing here.  God has given Chris and I another chance at new life, a spark that is growing inside me; warming my heart.

Yesterday, I got another bill from my doctors office.  I don't hold resentment towards them for charging me for services that were given to me, but I do think that their prices are sky high.  $190 for an u/s that only took 5 minutes.  I was 10 weeks and Dr. L couldn't find lil spark's heartbeat with the doppler so she rushed us to an u/s.

I  know that now days with computers the personal aspect of things has been completely removed.  I am, however, pissed off at this health care system.  How is it fair that I had to pay over 10k after taxes for the twins prenatal and delivery?  How is it fair that I can't have maternity coverage this time around because I wasn't willing to wait till 4-2011 to add the maternity rider to my policy?  Yes, you read that correctly.  According to BCBSNC I would have to wait till November 2010 to add the policy and then wait 6 months before becoming pregnant so that the pregnancy would not be considered a "preconsisting condition".  Sounds like a load of bull doesn't it.  Technically, I will have lil spark in my arms 2 full months before I would be allowed to even start trying, how is that fair or even ethical?

I called my Dr's office this morning and spoke with a really nice woman named Kathy in Billing.  She was able to find a small loop hole and gave us a credit of $350 to our account.  This will help a little towards the anatomy u/s on the 22nd that will be about $500.  But the other part that kind of gets me is that, I could have been getting a 10% discount THIS WHOLE time if I had known to ask for it.  The waterworks started flowing as I unloaded my whole story on her.

I try not to dwell on negativity, but when everyday I open the mail and I am reminded of the fact that money is an issue.  Questions start to swarm in my head: Why do I have to have this stress of money on top of the stress of will this baby survive?  Why can some women have all their bills paid for by the state and I am left in the dust because we make just a little more than the cut off.  How is it fair that a friend only paid 1k out of pocket because her company offers a better health insurance policy.  How in the world did I make it through a 4 year college an no professor mentioned what a BIG deal benefits were?  Why didn't my parents not tell me?  Why doesn't the company I work for offer health care?  Why is is so expensive even for them as a group policy?  Why am I learning this the expensive way?  (I think 10k is an expensive lesson.)  Why are the big insurance companies allowed to get away with things that they do?  Why is health coverage not affordable?  Why can't we pay based on what we make?  Why hasn't someone figured this issue out yet?

sneak peak

of our long weekend in Western Mass.

This is the CD cover I made for Ashley's copy of my pictures and videos from our fun weekend.

Here we are in the car after she picked us up from the airport.  Yes, we were all talking at the same time...it was that way a lot that weekend when you have to squish so much into so little time!

Lil spark: 16 weeks

Wow, I can't believe lil spark and I are 16 weeks, seems that time is flying and at the same time we still have over half of our journey left to go.  16 weeks makes me really think of the twins and how my time with them was winding down, little did I know it.  Little Benny measured 16 weeks 5 days on his femur.  This was the first indication that something was wrong at our ultrasound in January.  I remember thinking, 16....we are supposed to be 19.  I don't need to look at pictures to see what lil spark must be looking like because in the next few weeks s/he will be looking like the twins.

We are so thankful for this lil spark, who has brought back light into our life.  Thank you Lord for this life inside me; keep lil spark safe and healthy, please.

In celebrating this new life here is lil spark's updates:

How far along: 16 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: not sure
Maternity clothes: yup-thanks Kristy, Christie and Anna and discover card reward points!
Stretch marks: nope  
Sleep:  Still peeing quite a bit at night, and using a blanket to snuggle with in between my legs and to support my arm.  
Best moment this week:   Finding the HB immediately on the doppler on Monday night.  My new favorite song.  We will have to figure out a way to record it.

Gender: 19 days and counting down! Lets all pray lil spark isn't shy.
Belly button in or out?: In, Chris informed me it is starting to go away!
Craving: not sweets, still really liking cold milk
What I miss: drinking the red wine at the vineyard we went to in Connecticut, it smelled really good, but I can do with out!  Not complaining one bit!
What I am looking forward to:  feeling lil spark move in the next few weeks, I have felt some tickles or bubble, but nothing I would 100% say is movement and my prenatal massage on the 18th!

Are you ready?  Because in my opinion I think we have a tie on the belly this week.

baby center dot com "Get ready for a growth spurt. BRING IT ON WE ARE READY! In the next few weeks, your baby will double his weight and add inches to his length. Right now, he's about the size of an avocado: 4 1/2 inches long (head to rump) and 3 1/2 ounces. His legs are much more developed, his head is more erect than it has been, and his eyes have moved closer to the front of his head. His ears are close to their final position, too. The patterning of his scalp has begun, though his locks aren't recognizable yet. He's even started growing toenails. And there's a lot happening inside as well. For example, his heart is now pumping about 25 quarts of blood each day, and this amount will continue to increase as your baby continues to develop.  The top of your uterus is about halfway between your pubic bone and your navel, and the round ligaments that support it are thickening and stretching as it grows. You're probably feeling a whole lot better as you settle into pregnancy, too. Less nausea, fewer mood swings, and "glowing" skin contribute to an overall sense of well-being.  Soon you'll experience one of the most wonderful moments of pregnancy — feeling your baby move. While some women notice "quickening" as early as 16 weeks, many don't feel their baby move until about 18 weeks or more. (And if this is your first baby, don't be too impatient — you may not be aware of your baby's movements until 20 weeks or so.) The earliest movements may feel like little flutters, gas bubbles, or even like popcorn popping. Over the following weeks they'll grow stronger and you'll be able to feel them much more frequently."

Oh and don't forget to vote on the right for the gender of little spark....at the moment we are 80% girl and 20% boy!

Poll time again

Hopefully this time at our ultrasound we will have better results to share.  I had so fun last time seeing what everyone thought twins gender was, so please play again for little spark/sparkle!


The poll is on the right at the top!  Thanks!