12dpo BFN (BIG FAT NEG)

Negative, my period is due tomorrow and my temps are dropping, I am not holding out much hope for this cycle. I cried in Chris's arms this morning, he was so sweet and tried to encourage me, but nothing changes the fact that we are not pregnant. I could tell he was disappointed too, but didn't want to make me more upset.
my chart:


We were at my sister-in-law's house this morning when I took the test and then we had to drive 6 hours home, unfortunately I had to drive alone (Chris got a new van for the company and had to drive it). But this left me to my thoughts, most of the way I was ok...just frustrated with the other holiday drivers that were hanging out in the left lane, but then my thoughts kept circling back to our big negative and every once and a while my eyes would tear up. I am so sad, just depressed, I don't understand why this is happening to us. All I've wanted to be, since my cousin Julie was born, is a mommy. I've been waiting 18 years to get to this point. My husband is ready to be a daddy.

God, please help me understand why I need to go through this...Chris would be such a good daddy, and I feel as if my arms are empty. I am so thankful that you designed the perfect husband for me and you know how happy we are together, but I hate this sadness that has come over me and I don't know how to make it go away. I try and distract myself, but it is only a superficial cover and quicky I re-remember. Please don't let this affect my marriage, Chris is to precious to me, help him understand my feelings. Why do I have to have dreams of peeing on a test and getting a positive, why did this have to happen TODAY? That is so hard to wake up and realize it was just a dream. And then to test and for it to be negative so quickly. God, I know you love my future baby but please send her/him down to me, I want to love on them for a while. If you have to keep them longer please help me understand and take away this desire for a child. I feel that you gave me this desire and that it has always been a part of me, so please just help me understand....please.