Monday, January 11, 2010

Baby Boys Holmes Birth Story

I want to share with everyone and to keep a detailed record so that I never forget a single detail. (Please remember I am NOT a writer)

After the ultrasound on Thursday, Chris and I returned home with broken hearts.  We began the process of realizing our dreams for these twins were in fact going to just stay dreams.  We clung to one another, cried, and packed our bag for the hospital admission on Friday.

Friday, we had a doctor appointment with Dr. Lavoie at our OB's office.  The staff was so nice ushering us quickly back to the back and I had a quick exam with Dr. Lavoie.  We found out that my body was naturally realizing what was happening and was dilated 1 cm.  Dr Lavoie informed us that it could be early Saturday morning or as late at Monday sometime for the babies to make their arrival. We began praying for a quick and painless birth. From the office, we went directly to Women's Hospital where I can say the staff was exceptionally wonderful and caring, I have to give them their own blog entry they were so amazing.

Walking into the hospital was very difficult; tears were streaming down my face as I began to realize I would not be walking out with our babies.  We were almost immediately settled into our private room and met our sweet nurse. Soon after, I was given my first round of drugs to induce labor.  After about an hour, I began to feel mild cramps, very similar to menstrual cramps.  They said these were contractions, except mine were a constant pain and did not come in waves like I thought they would.  My sister Sara brought us lunch and we hung out till my mom and other sister Robyn showed up. They helped the day go by faster. My Dad arrived and it was dinner time so they all left with a promise to bring Chris back some food. Later, our pastor and his wife stopped by to pray with us at the end of the day. It was nice to forget why we were there and just chat for a bit and then they said a sweet prayer for my health and our babies.  

It was about 9:30 pm, when the cramping had become uncomfortable and I was nervous to have the second round of drugs without any pain medication. So, we spoke with our nurse about our options. The pain and exhaustion were overwhelming me and I was unable to make a decision between getting the epidural or the IV medication. Thankfully, I have a rock for a husband and he was able to make the decision to start the IV meds. These were great and gave us a moment of comic relieve when the drugs hit my system and I laid back and said "this was a real good idea". Then I received the second round of inducing medication. The IV meds made me very droopy and sleepy so Chris took a sleeping pill and we were ready to settle in for the night, thinking we needed to get a good nights sleep.

About 3 hours later, I woke up because my lower back was really sore and the cramping was bothering me again thru the IV meds. It was too soon for another dosage and I decided I was ready for the epidural.  The IV meds were still in my system and I feel helped with the stress and fear of getting the epidural. Within the hour we were settled back down to try and sleep again.  I think I was able to get a few more hours of sleep when I awoke uncomfortable again.  My nurse had mentioned that I could have a medication for itchiness if needed, so I called her to talk about that and the fact that I was uncomfortable. 

She decided to check to see how far along we were; she could feel the first sac with Baby A.  Immediately, my water broke and our tiny baby A was born at 4:30am.  I could not look, I didn't want to become overwhelmed emotionally, but Chris standing at my side kept telling me how beautiful our baby was and how perfect.  Dr. Lavoie was called and was there within 15 minutes.  She checked me and we found out baby b was descending.  After a few timed pushes at 5:03 am baby B was born even smaller than his older brother, but just as perfect and beautiful. 

One of the major concerns Dr. Lavoie had about the whole delivery was delivering the placenta. She didn't want me to have to go into surgery to remove it, it would be better for my body if I could do it naturally. Thankfully, this was not the case as I was able to deliver the placenta without much assistance.  Chris was so wonderful the whole time, stroking my head, telling me how great I was doing...how beautiful our babies were...how much he loved me. In this unfortunate situation, I feel that our babies entered this world the best way possible. They arrived into a room loved by their parents and surrounded by the most compassionate nurses and dr.

After the babies were cleaned up the nurses brought them to us, wrapped in blankets and we were able to spend about an hour with them.  We prayed for them, sung them songs, and told them all the things we had wanted to do for them and with them. We held them and in soft voices whispered to them that we were proud of them, that we loved them and we would see them one day in heaven.  It was a special time for our little family of 4.  It was difficult to give them back, knowing we would never see them again, but it had to happen at some point and my handsome husband with tears in his eyes handed his baby boys to the nurse to take away. Thus breaking my heart completely.

The rest of our hospital stay was a bit of a blur. I ate breakfast, my family arrived with Chris's breakfast, and we proceeded to tell this story for the first time. After a nap, I was told we could stay as long as we wanted or we could be discharged anytime. Chris and I wanted get home and shower and figure out how to survive this. We are still working on surviving this.

Again I cannot express how much everyone's words and prayers have meant to us. We are so overwhelmed with love from all our family, IRL friends and this blogging/thebump community. Thank you, THANK YOU and THANK YOU AGAIN!!!

20 comments:

  1. I just began following your blog. It is apparent how brave you are. You are a wonderful mother. You brought your babies into this world with an unbelievable amount of love. Your sweet babies are in heaven right now and they know how much their mommy and daddy love them.

    Thank you for writing your story. I am sitting here crying and thinking about how brave you are. You have inspired me. I am going through a loss right now, but nothing like what you are going through. You have done something so hard, and so brave, and I hope that you feel proud of yourself and the love that you and your husband have shown your babies.

    I pray that you will find peace in some way. I am so sorry that this has happened. You have touched my heart, and I am sure the hearts of many. I was not very good at wording this, but I hope that you are able to see how highly I think of you.

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  2. I just stumbled upon your blog tonight and just wanted to tell you how very sorry I am.

    You dont know me but I feel as if I know you because of our similarities. I too lost identical twin boys 6 months ago at 19 weeks along. I have felt some of the pain that you are feeling and I still feel it every single day.

    Reading your story brought so many emotions back and I cant tell you how sorry I feel for your loss.

    If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to email me at jennyhenshaw@gmail.com.

    I hope I didnt just totally creep you out.

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  3. Jeanna,

    You are very brave and strong to have shared this story here. The loss you have just experienced is tragic. Yet, you told your story in such a way that it is obvious that you had some beautiful time, albeit brief, with your sons.

    You should be proud of yourself. You and your husband have just been through so very much... and yet here you are inspiring people with your courage.

    I am sorry that I found your blog at such a difficult time in your life but I am sending positive thoughts your way. I'm thankful that Allison told me about your blog.

    I have been trying to help get the word out since I heard your story in order to direct support your way via my blog and by sharing links on Facebook to help people find you here.

    When you are feeling up to it, you may find some helpful resources on my blog. Under "Navigation", just click on the link for "Infertility, Miscarriage, Pregnancy Loss, and Adoption Resources".

    Peace,

    Jeanne

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  4. Thank you for sharing your life with us and your sweet boys. I am so sorry that they passes away so soon. I will keep you all in my prayers.

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  5. I am in tears. And I can't even imagine what your loss feels like to you, who is going through this. I'm so thankful that you got to spend that sweet hour with your boys. I'm thinking of you.

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  6. Thank you for sharing your birth story. You and your family have been in my thoughts constantly. I pray that your emotional & physical recovery will go as well as possible.

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  7. Continued prayers for you, your dh and your family.

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  8. Jeanna, my heart aches for your family. I think it might have been a bad idea for me to read this while at work, I have tears running down my cheeks. Your family has my continued prayers. I hope that you received my donation ok...I was a little worried about doing it, b/c I have never used my paypal for something like a gift, only to make purchases on Etsy. ha. here is my email ashely929 at gmail dot com
    I would love to keep in contact via email, as well as on here. xoxo ((((hugs)))

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  9. My heart is just breaking for your family. I don't know what to say but that my family is praying for your family and we will continue to do so.

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  10. Jeanna & Chris,

    I envy your incredible strength. You two are so strong and obviously have a bond and love that is life long. My heart breaks for you. Because of your strength, I know you WILL survive this, together. Your angel babies will forever live in your hearts and always be loved.

    I will keep you aall in my thoughts and prayers.

    Love Kendra

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  11. Jeanna,
    That was a beautiful birth story. Thank you for sharing it with us. I can only imagine how special it was to hold your little boys. Chris and your family sound like such caring, amazing people. Sending you the biggest hugs ever!

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  12. Thank you for sharing your story. It must have been very difficult. As someone struggling with IF, my heart breaks for you and your family. Tears stream down my face while reading your posts over the past few days. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

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  13. Oh Jeanna this is the most courageous & beautiful story i've ever read. My heart just breaks knowing that you had to go through this. Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful baby boys birth story with us. I'm keeping you and your family in thoughts & prayers. With much love, hopeful34

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  14. My heart just is broken for you & your husband. I give you a lot of credit for writing & sharing such a beautiful story of your beautiful angels. May they forever live in your hearts and maybe you find comfort knowing they are in heaven watching over you. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

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  15. Still sending thoughts and prayers your way!

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  16. Thank you so much for sharing your birth story. Your beautiful angels will always be with you and always be watching over you. My family continues to pray for your family.

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  17. What a beautiful story, Jeanna. Thank you for sharing with us in the midst of this difficult time. You will stay in our thoughts and prayers!

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  18. Thank you for sharing your birth story! I can not fathom the emotional pain you and your husband are in right now. It is so amazing that y'all are able to turn to one another to make your way through the grief and loss you're experiencing. Your sweet little angel boys are up in Heaven smiling down at you and thanking you for being the awesome mother and father you are.
    HUGE HUGS!!!!!

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  19. Your story was so moving, and you told it beautifully. You are very brave. I am praying for you and your husband, that you would find God's peace, hope, comfort, and restoration. I am so, so very sorry. I hope your day is blessed.

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  20. Jeanna I just read the story of your twins birth and I am so sad for you all. You say you're not a writer but you described their birth and your feelings with such love and heart I think you are a writer. Peace to you and your husband and little boys:)

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