right this minute

I just want to remember this time, the before.

I am sitting here surfing the internet and blogging.  Owen is an active little baby, who is making his presence known by moving around, stretching my uterus, and squishing my bladder.  I am having braxton hicks about once or twice an hour, but nothing regular.  There is rock n roll music playing LOUDLY in the background through the new speakers I gave my husband for Christmas.  Chris keeps walking past the couch from the bathroom to the carport.  Every time, he walks from the bathroom to the carport he says he loves me or both of us or just smiles or does a silly dance or face.  Every time, he comes back inside from the carport I feel a rush of cold air and he makes a comment about how cold it is outside.  It is about 40 and dropping quickly. The red hot chilli peppers were just playing and Chris just did a funny dance holding molding, covered in sheetrock dust and pretending to lip sync, but didn't know the words!  I love that man!

It is 9ish, this is love in action that Chris worked all day and has come home only to do more manual labor in our bathroom.  Currently, the sheetrock work is done and he is putting the trim and crown molding back on.  The air compressor keeps coming on and loudly announcing its presence in my hallway.  The nail gun keeps going off, which hopefully mean trim/crown is being attached to the walls/ceiling.  I am hoping this means paint is in our near future!  I think we will make some serious headway this weekend!     Dear I hope that we might finish it???  That I might be able to clean my house and finish nesting!?!!

I can't think of anything, but having this baby anymore.  My brain has completely checked out of anything not to do in preparation of his arrival.  I have a checklist and it is slowly getting smaller and smaller though the stuff on it is the stuff I have been dreading doing.  You know the filing of paperwork, cleaning out the pantry, hemming curtains, looking at our finances, paying bills...I am going to stop because who really wants to read this list of boring items.

This is what my brain is trying to wrap its mind around:
7 days till our final ultrasound.  
7 days we will know 100% if we are having a baby via c-section on the 11th.  
9 days till the scheduled c-section.  
Am I really going to meet this little boy in 9 days?  
Am I about to fall in love with a new man in 9 days?  
Am I really here?  
Could this be it?  
My son, my first living child, in my arms.  

We talked about the twins a little last night.  All the hospital talk brings up memories of them.  That is the only place we held them and knew them.  They are going to seem like little dolls compared to what I imagine this big boy will be.  Seriously, they might have only been several inches shorter than Owen, but they didn't even weigh a pound.  Owen is going to be at least 7 pounds. Owen got an extra 20 weeks to grow inside me.

I miss them.

I loved them so much, I still love them.

I love Owen, our little spark.

I am still so scared.

So much can still go wrong.

Am I going to be a lucky one?

9 days....come on Owen we can do this for 9 more days....right? 

Will you just kick again so I know your ok?  This is not where I thought this post would go, but then this is usually how it goes when I let myself freely type think.